I am no into anal sex, but have learned that this is no no, due to hygien. I agree with you Iben. I ask this in all seriousness. I realize people have different sex drives and fetishes. But, why does it have to be with partners? I would much prefer it to be with someone whom I care about. I do not believe in treating human beings in a casual manner. For me it is about dignity. When you do, I want you to consider the spirit in which it was written.
I took your advice and re-read your piece. While I did get a little bit more out of it, its substance remains the same: However, it is still about casual sex i. Yes, people can and in fact do have casual flings in the manner you have written. How can we discuss such things with your imposed judgement? First, I want to explain to you that the articles on her blog, except for a few guest posts, are written by Ms.
I know this because I have had the opportunity to interact with her over a long period of time, both publicly on blogs, twitter, etc. I want to discuss what is a sex friendly society. Are there any sex friendly societies on this earth today?
What models for society can we imagine and work towards. It is best to set boundaries for one self and not for others, we can agree on that G. Do you really think that increased orgasms for your fellow women is really going to lead to the degradation of society? Why must there be multitudes of different partners over a short period of time, if increased orgasms is REALLY the objective?
The choice is hers. I agree with you. But it is possible we persons are very different sexually, and some need a stranger to feel intense feelings. And old friend of my used to say when he got drunk: Do I condemn perfectly normal sexual behavior because I see red flags when men want causal sex only? I asked a specialist if it is atypical sexual behavior if a woman prefers causal sex only. Here is his answer:. Cantor is a psychologist and sexual behavior scientist. Associate professor of Psychiatry….
Hi Robin In the western societies we have many different types of relationships between men and women that includes sex. And you end with saying: Iben These are very reasonable points that you are making. If there was security and passion with the life-long partner, would there really be a need for these other alternative? The reason is because the marriage was sexless and passionless. Had there been sex and passion I would still be married.
Are you suggesting people some want to have there cake an eat it to? I guess these are all the alternatives you speak. Reading this articulate, well written post on on what is best described as a difficult subject, and was completely taken aback by the vitriol filled comments, more specifically how personal they were. Robin, Just what purpose is served from having sex with tons of different men?
Are you just a highly sexual woman who is in constant need of variety and novelty? So many women seem to think it is some kind of rite of passage to have lots of casual sex with lots of different men.
Not to judge you, but the whole thing seems down right nasty and decadent. Your serious lack of self esteem is apparent in your writing. Please refrain from your harmful advice and stop writing. You need to re-examine your life and values before you dole out advice to anyone. I hope you get the support you need to be healthy in the future.
Why do so many people like you have disdain for people who do not adhere to the utilitarian view of life? I live by the Law. In my personal case, it is the Law of Moses and the Prophets.
If you wish to be amoral, so be it. But, I as a citizen of this damn Republic, am free to say what I damn well wish and believe. Same for you too buddy! It is hard to understand how you feel it is safe to bring a steady steam of new strangers into your home. Craigslist is not seen as safe. Not everyone on Craigslist is a serial rapist, for crying out loud, so stop making it into this cesspool of humanity. Your frank judgment of her actions is more telling of the person you are and not the person she is.
All of the dating sites have rapists, murderers and just psycho people that have something that gets them off…so we all must beware! I see it is a dangerous way to live. And I would expect some of the men to use me,not show me respect.
That is how I feel,and that is my personal opinion. That strategy does not work with me Cara. She may feel safe because despite the scare mongering the vast majority of men are not rapists waiting to strike. He takes ,uses her and leave. And I have no problems in admitting that I am against prostitution for several reason. What a man,child or woman must do for living under deep poverty is one think,I do not condemn persons that have to sell their body to survive. But I am against it as a legal job in a Western country when we still have other alternatives to earn money.
She means he has sex with her without respect and without giving. Now in situations where one is looking to do that to the other but without being upfront about it that is certainly a problem. This issue is complicated.
I am not read up on research and seldom read news about discussion about for and against making prostituion legal. Of course I am against exploited labour. That question is an insult. Write an article then let many give us more facts about prostition. Yes a lot of them are. But are you ready to just assume they all are? Maybe you sell sex, or dream of selling sex. I share the same view s you have on prostitution. But, this is our history as men. We have always sought to do one another in via wars etc.
To the victor go the spoils including the women. When I wrote that many prostitutes are victims of childhood sexual abuse , or have problems like addiction drugs I used the word many.
Overall you are saying that you are against legalizing prostitution. That affects all prostitutes, not just the ones that are victims of childhood abuse and addiction. You see the difference right? I live in a democracy and use my vote and my voice. States that choose to have laws that say it is illegal to buy sex have lots of reasons for doing so, the welfare of the men and women in prostitution is only one of the reasons. After telling me to marry a prostitute to show my respect for them?
I never said there were no other valid reasons. Our exchange just happened to focus on wellbeing. You see prostitutes as persons that use others for money. Danny It is true. Issues like this one triggers strong emotions in me. And it has nothing to do with men women relationship, , but rather how we see sexuality in our societies. And that makes me sad and upset. The way some are used sexually by others , like in trafficking makes me cry. And if some filthy rich persons pays a fortune to sleep with beautiful women, and feel they are used by them.
Well , I do not feel sorry for the costumer. Kim, are you kidding me??? Also, you must be really sheltered or just plain naive if you believe that OK Cupid or Match. I am a criminal defense lawyer and I have represented numerous rapists, physical attackers, aggravated robbers and even have defended murderers who found their victims on a dating site.
This is exactly what she is doing, in some cases. Btw, I think one of her best blogs was about why so many married men are looking for sex. Ladies, you ALL need to read her blog.
Hi Jules I followed your advise and took a look at Robins blog, but could not find the article you refer to. Here is what I found: Melissa Yes it true. I have never used dating sites. It means you have to ask for his ID. I have no idea how to run a extensive background check of a person. All I know is how to look up how much tax they pay and the property they own as described in tax records.
I had this relationship exactly once. It was with a bi woman who formed her emotional relationships with women. I was on the mend from a relationship, else my emotions might have figured heavily. At the end, I think she was becoming a little emotional.
And that is also why it can be a dangerous game to play. Been there , done that. I want others to comment on my theory as to one of the reasons why female demand for casual sex is so low. I find your theory cynical, to say the least.
If women merely want attention, going to a bar is a far more efficient method of getting it than looking for casual sex online.
In addition to the emotional work mentioned in the article, the effort required to put up an ad, read through the deluge of responses many of which will be far from flattering , establish a connection and a modicum of trust with a stranger, and arrange a mutually convenient time and place to meet can feel more like work than an ego boost.
VERY few women relative to men are looking for casual sex explicitly, period. I was trying to explain THAT. However, if you want to know why some women are reluctant to look for casual sex online, take a look at this thread. About half of the comments, including your own, are devoted to judging women for our sexual choices. Women do have causal sex. Go to international conferences and will know women have sex with men and women they just met, fully aware that this is causal sex.
Given the right circumstances and surrounded with interesting, bright well educated men to choose women do have causal sex. Probably as often as men do. I must admit I do somewhat agree with Max.
In fact, I am certain of this. Psychological and other research, including surveys, lead to the conclusion that all humans want the emotional bond created by sex If people were just seeking pleasure they can more than easily satisfy themselves, and there are toys on the market for both males and females for this purpose. I for one, am not going to agree on the idea that there is much disparity between the desire for and participation in casual sex between men and women….
I also never said a only half dozen women are getting it on either. Max, I think that plenty of women desire casual sex, however there is more at stake in trying to find it. Women, more often than men, have to be more cautious out of concern for their own physical safety and well-being ad not being put in a potential risky situation where they could be physically assaulted, harassed, stalked, etc. Also, in my experience, the amount of penis photos and obnoxious comments were enough to turn me off to going online for anything casual.
This is what I was going to say too. Women DO seek out casual sex, at a rate that might surprise Max. We just tend to be more subtle about it. Start by figuring out why you feel the need to consider this in the first place. Are you in a sexual rut and looking to spice things up? Maybe your current partner has been your only partner for a long time and you want a chance to experience what else is out there these days.
Yes, opening up a relationship can help breathe new life into things if your sex life has gotten stale, but so can other solutions such as role playing or kink. Although FOSTA was primarily meant to crack down on any possible online sex trafficking of children, open online interfaces like Craigslist were affected nevertheless.
According to a statement from the Craigslist team, the shutdown was due to a need to protect Craigslist from any possible liability should the personals section ever be misused in any way. You just need a viable go-to alterative and Mixxxer is one of the absolute best. Many of them do and an open marriage represents the best of both worlds — lifelong love and commitment that still allows them the sexual freedom they need in order to be happy and fulfilled.
However, knowing an open marriage is the right fit for you is one thing. Making sure yours is healthy, happy, and mutually satisfying is another. Open marriages require just as much work, compromise, and communication as traditional closed marriages do — maybe even more in some areas.
The following are a few strategies for making sure yours is as strong as can be. Open marriages only work when both people are equally interested in being in one. They run into trouble when both parties are technically interested, but one is a lot more enthusiastic about it than the other as well. Compromise by looking into alternative ways to spice up your sex life instead. It goes without saying that hitting the gym on the regular is one of the best things you can possibly do for your health.
It helps you maintain a healthy weight, improves your heart health, and boosts your brain function. It makes you stronger, extends your potential life span, and improves your overall quality of life as well. Exercise is famous for the way it really gets your blood pumping. It promotes the efficient flow of blood throughout your entire body.
This includes to your crotch, genitals, and sex organs. For a man, better blood flow and more of it can result in bigger, harder, longer lasting erections. In women, better circulation means an ability to experience fuller, more intense arousal. Her vaginal walls, clitoris, and labia become more sensitive as a result leading to stronger orgasms and more of them. How much of what we believe about why people have one-night stands or casual sex is fact and how much is fiction?
Sure, it feels like the most natural thing in the world, but are we truly predisposed as humans to prefer casual sex? How many of the following facts did you already know? The gene in question is the DRD4 gene..
Exercise is famous for the way it really gets your blood pumping. It promotes the efficient flow of blood throughout your entire body. This includes to your crotch, genitals, and sex organs. For a man, better blood flow and more of it can result in bigger, harder, longer lasting erections. In women, better circulation means an ability to experience fuller, more intense arousal.
Her vaginal walls, clitoris, and labia become more sensitive as a result leading to stronger orgasms and more of them. How much of what we believe about why people have one-night stands or casual sex is fact and how much is fiction? Sure, it feels like the most natural thing in the world, but are we truly predisposed as humans to prefer casual sex? How many of the following facts did you already know?
The gene in question is the DRD4 gene. Those that inherit that gene are more likely to prefer one-night stands, as well as more likely than average to cheat within the confines of monogamous relationships. There are certain ideas pretty much everyone grows up believing in when it comes to romantic relationships. Alternative choices like polyamory, open relationships, and casual sex-focused lifestyles are becoming increasingly common as more and more people figure this out.
Do any of the following statements sound familiar? Open relationships can be wonderful, healthy ways to experience the variety you crave when it comes to sex without saying good-bye to the companionship and depth you enjoy in your primary relationship. However, deciding an open relationship could be amazing for both you and your partner is one thing.
Successfully convincing your partner to give it a chance is another. Some people are a lot more open to the idea than others. Keep the following tips in mind to make sure you get the absolute most out of any experiences you might decide to pursue.
A one-night stand is the type of experience that can either be the best thing ever or a total disaster. The difference between the two depends entirely on how you approach things. Yes, one-night stands are meant to be carefree, spontaneous decisions that break all the rules. Start by giving yourself full permission to go after what you want. It helps you manage both depression and anxiety. It can help you build confidence and self-esteem.
It improves your circulation. Your preference for casual sex could be genetic. DO give yourself permission to go for it. Weekly followed four people, one from each of the four major categories — w4m, m4w, w4w, m4m — in their search for that elusive, NSA encounter. And, yes, I will spank you. I don't have whips or a dungeon. Just my open hand.
And a pair of handcuffs. I'm a handsome guy, 40, 5 feet 11 inches, nice eyes, beard, a little burly, work out times per week, and I clean up real nice, as they say. Send a photo, I'll send you mine. Terence's spanking offer might have narrowed the field, but then again, the field is always narrow for men who are seeking women, and even ads that aren't seeking anything exotic tend not to get a lot of replies. In the personals, it's women who run the show. Terence received a whopping total of nine responses.
Of those, eight were spam. These were identifiable by their extremely generic nature, typically something like, "Hey I liked your ad. I'm on Yahoo Messenger right now! Send me a message at HotGirl! But one smelled like it might be human: Cautiously optimistic, Terence sent a response, including a picture.
The blonde replied, "Thanks for the pic Already realizing odds were against him, Terence threw in the towel, retorting, "Sorry, honey, that's as young as I get.
When asked why he didn't work particularly hard to continue the established contact, by, say, inviting the blonde out for coffee, Terence gripes, "I'm fucking sick of 'coffee. The only thing I'd meet up for is if she wants to take her clothes off today. The hard lesson most men learn on Craigslist: Because they outnumber women by about 20 to 1 on Casual Encounters, men aren't something to be desired.
Very youthful, very curvy year-old in Santa Monica seeks very youthful, preferably young, attractive baby-faced man for casual encounters hopefully plural! By the way, replies without pics will not be considered. On Craigslist, women can be this flat-out demanding and not be dismissed as bitches but get plenty of play. Clarissa's ad, for example, got more than responses. The sexually adventurous, curly-haired brunette isn't averse to casual hookups. The responses started coming in immediately.
Then I got more and more replies, and had fun responding, and considered meeting someone. But then I got bored, and the only one that was really interesting has been reticent. Her initial ardor cooled, and in the end, Clarissa didn't meet up with even one of her potential sack mates. The rising fears that dampened her heat ran the gamut: Jeopardizing my health and my business. Getting emotionally hurt by some thoughtless, shallow swinger with herpes who makes some 'they're not exactly perky' comment about my breasts while expecting me to agree and fuck him anyway.
This is the bell curve many Casual Encounters advertisers travel: If you're wondering why that sexy chick suddenly quit answering your e-mails, this sort of rational thought process is probably the reason. Gay men are always on the vanguard of any of society's sexual shifts, for good or ill, from HIV to Grindr, and Josh sees Craigslist as antiquated. He hooked up online as recently as last week, but not via Craigslist.
He checks the site from time to time, but, "In reality, I haven't had sex through Craigslist for years and years and years. With his swimmer's body, unblemished, caramel-colored skin and engaging, lighthearted, party-party personality, this resident of an Elle Decor —worthy West Hollywood apartment is clearly a desirable specimen. Josh is in a committed relationship, but his partner has a job that forces him to travel out of town frequently; even when his boyfriend is home, his sex drive simply doesn't match Josh's.
So Josh looks online for casual hookups often, and has no trouble finding them. However, he's largely left Craigslist behind. Josh prefers a number of other sites to the creaky Craigslist, such as Adam4Adam, BarebackRT with its high proportion of users who, like himself, are HIV-positive or his favorite, Manhunt. Manhunt works because its interface has something that Craigslist has stubbornly refused to add: Twenty pictures, 20 guys.
You decide on two to three options per page, and you click. Josh adds that no site has eliminated the flake factor, which is ubiquitous in the online world. The other big problem: Not saying that fat people can't have sex, but it's the lying that got me. So I said, 'I'm sorry, I gotta go, it's not going to work. I don't want to spend money in a bar. I don't want to make myself cute. I don't want small talk, trying to be charming and seductive.
It's a lot more effort. On a website, you go straight to the point. I'm looking for someone with no strings attached, one and done.
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